Coming around….stronger today than yesterday. Accepting what I can not change, the willingness to become a better human, more alive than ever. Change is my friend; that is, my own metamorphosis. I welcome her, encouraged by certain uncertainties, as fearfulness is no longer at my core.
My girl at twenty-eight. She is gone. Evaporating slowly, years pass, growth through pain, there are few remnants. The unknown of her whereabouts, less frantic for me, more focused on her, the person she must be. Estrangement does not discriminate. Its core, its breath, equals change; for her, for me, her dad, her sis. Healing fosters change. Perhaps her healing definition does not jive with mine. She is my daughter, her own person, no more a “mini-me” than yours. Amongst the sky we share, love, baby. It’s the fresh sea air I breathe in, deeply enveloping my thoughts. No blame, there is now self-forgiveness, I am entrenched in love for her.
Love encapsulates most every decision these days; Love for myself, Love for fellow family, friends, perhaps, even strangers. Decisions are less cumbersome. I won’t perish if I make a wrong turn. I’ll still be here. Balance among uncertainty.
More acceptance of what I can’t change produces layers of peace. It’s lighter, fresh, as if never way experienced quite the same before. Sadness, I welcome; the understanding she shall wither, allowing for shades of contentment. Ebbs and flows, all within my grasp. Only I must let go when necessary.
Time heads forth, fear of what others think of me, galvanized in my memory, causing a great deal of dysfunction. Breaking through, embracing imperfection, thereby a raised sense of self, one who longs to give back, share her pain, love on those in need.
I’m with you.
We’ll find each other soon. 💜