Life as I know it. Today. Everyday.
Hey all. I’m coming out of the closet. The comfort of this little place has been my refuge, resolve and now, resurgence.
When I began here on another blog in anonymous form 4 years ago, I was in the midst of some pretty heavy life transitions. No one can ever quite prepare for such events. One simply must go..through…it.
As I write here today on this windswept Thursday evening, I am reminded to share a few things:
- Divorce didn’t kill me, my spirit or mental state.
- It takes years to heal from divorce and I’m still on that path. Don’t rush.
- Own mistakes. Maturity and deep insight happen when one understands, confronts and accepts their own mistakes. It’s wretchedly painful, at times, unbearable, though the process itself, renders a better human being.
- Friendship has new meaning, as does family.
- Estrangement from my girls hasn’t killed me either. It continues their choice and is part of my life I cope with each day. It’s the most painful loss imaginable I’ve experienced and many days I thought I would die. So crushing, the pain, the only time the word ‘suicide’ struck my head and heart like a mighty diesel truck. I am surviving.
- Never underestimate the affects of divorce on adult children. No easier or harder than younger kids, simply different. Adult children of divorce still have a voice. Allow them to speak. Listen.
- Love has captured my heart in unexpected ways.
- Compassion, empathy and tolerance ground my world.
- Giving of myself, what I’ve learned thus far, provides the passion needed to help others.
- Gratitude solidifies my soul. Faith captured it.
- Fear, no longer the enemy, I deal with it head on.
- Motherhood is the best decision I ever made.
Time to move on kids. I’m not an artist nor songwriter. I suck at poetry and use stick figures in Pictionary. Blogging is my outlet. It frees my mind, creates new thoughts, heals and penetrates my personhood. While I will always keep this little place around, I’m stepping out. No more anonymity. Just me, as I am. There’s a lot of past posts I am ashamed of; my behavior, inability to recognize my weaknesses, my weakness in general. Yet all honest, all words, the real deal. It’s like re-reading your high school journals: one cringes, yet that’s who you were at the time. And it’s OK. Acceptance takes time.
My writing reconvenes in a new place, a refreshed blog, where I am today. Everyday. Moving forward. You are more than welcome to hop on the bus with me. Thanks for riding along. Keep on your own road.