She moves forward, her life full of possibility. Her past is but a thread of her personhood; wanting to sever her fragile fragments, she finds it difficult to understand how she got here. Despite the past four years, she’s learned to thrive. She graduated college this week. She is flying in uncharted skies, questioning her life, as the beautiful young soul she is. She is lovely, strong, healthy, bright, talented and falling into herself. Whatever she feels, how much I have hurt her, how damaged she is because of me, I accept all of it. That hurt is mine to bear. Love prevails.
Please be kind.
One does not know another’s pain. Her pain is hers to own. She is a better, healthier, stronger person without me in her life. It is her choice to detach. Please don’t judge her for how she feels. Those are her feelings and no one else’s, just as mine or yours. Estrangement brings out the anger in all of us. I know, I’ve been there and still visit on occasion. Not like I used to, but yes, she sweeps in from time to time and it’s not pretty. Hurt is hurt and estrangement IS ALL ABOUT HURT. One who chooses to estrange would make us believe they are the ones who are most hurt, that we deserve the pain we cast upon them, as we’ve added so much pain to the estranger’s life. There is some truth in this statement. There is also truth in each and every one of our stories, estranged or not. What we perceive as truth may be enough, yet truth is bigger than you or me. Truth comes from within. It is intimate and kind. Truth questions who we are and what we perceive.
There is no penetrating a closed heart, locked in a self-sustained perpetual state. The pain and grief of loss remain in sight and I miss her so very much. One voice is not enough to heal a relationship; silence deafens and we roll along. My journey continues; my empathy grows. Peace is with her as is my love, always. Kindness prevails. Moving forward with new insights, more strength, better self. Letting go of what I cannot change. There is always someone who feels more pain than us. There is always something in life to be grateful for.
Next time, kids.
We’ll find each other soon. ❤