The inevitable question.
To pretend takes considerable thought. Do I sound genuine, as if I’m part of their life? Should I say more, speak less or change the subject? Don’t stammer. Be positive, upbeat. Be open, yet don’t word vomit. Not everyone cares you don’t have a relationship with your adult kids, nor do they want to know why you are estranged. Not the easiest topic to bring up in a conversation.
Getting the script down
I’ve pretty much mastered my own mini-monologue. Matter-of-fact-tone, talk about what they’re doing in their respective lives – things I hear from others, like their dad. The “how are they?” gets pushed to the wayside, as I don’t pretend to know how they’re really doing. When someone isn’t in contact for years, it’s difficult to truly know. They have suffered, yet, as I speak of them in the current sense, I feel like a normal mom who is in the midst of relationship transition with her adult kid.
Forming new friendships, a perfectly acceptable question.
“Yes, I have two daughters.”
Beyond that, I assess individual relationships. When there is comfort, a sense of trust, I share my heart. I talk about the estrangement, as if to explain reasons why it’s so important to raise awareness, to shed the shame, we, who are estranged feel.
In one sense, I welcome questions about my girls. To talk about them is to talk about love – the only thing I need not pretend.
Love is never severed.
We’ll find each other soon. ❤