When you have an epiphany, a fluid sense of awareness, a dagger of insight, unspoken clarity and not quite sure of your next footsteps. So you take deep breaths. Wait. Reflect. Soak in all of it, small portions at a time. Then, perhaps, you can share with others. The realization that you are not the horrific person you were conditioned to believe. You own yourself, acknowledge imperfections and bad choices. Then you reclaim who you are – you you’ve always been.
Then you remember how much you loved your weird cat.
Stunned that I haven’t been in the same physical space with my girls since 2012.
Stunned that they may never want to reconnect, yet thoroughly understand their reason why – today.
Stunned that they might want to reconnect, though aren’t sure how.
Stunned that we are strangers.
Stunned to realize the kind of man I was married to clearly has narcissistic traits I now see.
Stunned how different my life is today, how much I’ve learned from the pain of loss.
Stunned by my conviction of what is right. Stunned by my accountability.
Stunned how grateful I feel, the strength I’ve gained by being true to myself and to my God.
Stunned by a man who loves me unconditionally, who treasures the person I am.
Stunned to love another with great freedom, to love openly, as the person I am.
Stunned by vulnerability, its power and soulful cleansing abilities.
Stunned at how much love I feel for my girls, how loving them, despite the years of estrangement, gives me joy.
Stunned by family in general, what it represents, its definition and the evolution in my life.
Stunned that I’m becoming less stunned.
We’ll find each other soon. ❤