Divorce: Show Me the Money

{Sometimes I write when the words are right there. I write in evernote then put on a shelf. This is one of those posts – written while traveling on a plane November 11, 2015}

We see it on television, read stories online: divorce is expensive. Of course, there is the humongous emotional loss, cavernous pain of dismantling a family that was once intact and the post-residue of anger, resentment and sorrow that begins to finally heal.

No one can quite understand the financial cost until or unless you’re thrown in the maze of mediators, court documents and judgments. 

For a stay-at-home-mom, who didn’t quite build a career outside of raising the kiddos, the shock of little financial security post-divorce doesn’t quite kick in until judgement is final. That’s how it rolled for this divorced woman.

Months of mediation did little to change my familiar pattern of acquiescence. Much of our amicability was due to my inability to remain convicted in my own beliefs. That’s not on my former husband – that one’s on me. No one tells you self-awareness usually occurs much later and most certainly not during the process. Money was an extension of our dysfunction and dissolution. 

As my spousal support comes to an end this year, other than our young adult children, all other ties shall be tethered. I’m fearful of the unknown, as my business continues to grow. I thought I’d be further ahead financially than I currently am. That said, I made some sound decisions; bought a small house and have a little bundle saved. It’s not enough to last for retirement years from now, yet I am grateful for what I have. I’m fortunate. Breathe.

Dollars don’t define who I am. Dollars of divorce remind me the person I’ve become.